littlehouseontheprisonfarm:

It’s “Port-a-Potty”, not “Porter Potty”.

It’s “chest of drawers”, not “Chester drawers”.

It’s “chaise lounge”, not “chase longe” nor “shays”.

It’s “shabby chic”, not “shabby sheik” (really?? really???)

It’s “mirror”, not “mirrow” nor “mirroir”.

I will not be buying a “dinning room suit” from…

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. That’s what I always tell my kids. I guess they learned THAT lesson. 

Today. This was me. 

Me: so, what are you doing?
M: trying to have sex with you.
Me: oh. Oh! Seriously?? Ok. Um.
M: well, I guess not.
Me: I just wanted to know. Because sometimes you need to know. When you need to know these things.

Was a Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day. 

“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” 
― Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

…there is a harmony of wine, food AND family that is all pleasant and all good. That is today, and for that I am thankful. Merry Christmas, everyone.

family time for days on end = heavy drinking and binge cookie-eating. Thighs be damned, one must survive the holidays.

Things that make me go OMG. I mean, wow. I have no words. 

(Source: youtube.com)

OK, I totally have a cut inside my nose. And it’s totally been there for like, um, 2 weeks or so. It hurts even to smile, y’all. Ugh. 

Now you know. The end. 

me, to self: “my, that’s a large glass of wine you have there.”

me, to self: “shut up, bitch. don’t judge.”