The scene: I’m sitting at my desk, trying to be professional, getting work done. Suddenly, there is a shout from the bathroom.
Jack: MAMA. It’s a LOT OF POOP
Me: Then wipe it.
Jack: MAMA. Come watch me.
Me: No. I don’t want to watch you.
Jack: I don’t want you to WIPE me. Just watch and make sure I get it all.
Jack (stage whisper): SAM. C’mere.
Whispered convo from the bathroom:
Jack: Sam, see that? did I get it?
Sam: Hmmm. Nope. There’s a little bit on that side.
Jack: ARGH. OK, how bout now?
Sam: Welllllllll……Yes. Yes, you’re done. WAIT!!! No, I see some right…THERE.
Jack: NO WAY. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Okay, I guess I’ll have to use ANOTHER wipe. That’s six now.
Me: SIX?!?! You need to STOP. WASTING. BABY. WIPES.
Jack: WOULD YOU JUST COME CHECK ME!
…….and mommy pours another glass of wine.